


Eyebrow Morse Code for Dummies

by clarityhiding



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Identity Porn, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Jason Todd is Robin, M/M, Notfic, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Tim Drake is Oracle, in that Brucie likes to make his little comments because Bruce can't flirt for real, only not he's just like Oracle in that he's support staff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26541283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarityhiding/pseuds/clarityhiding
Summary: A preteen Tim Drake accuses Brucie Wayne of sexually harassing Mr. Kent at a gala and one thing leads to another and everything kinda ends up going in a different direction as a result.Not!fic where Jason never dies, Tim never becomes Robin, and Bruce Wayne is dating Batman—or is he?
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 21
Kudos: 149





	Eyebrow Morse Code for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> Have this campfire/not!fic I wrote for the [Tim Drake Discord server](https://discord.gg/7fYhMBv) last week! It's pretty ridiculous and I have no regrets.

I want pre-Robin!Tim to go up to Clark at a gala and very earnestly inform him of his right to report when he's being sexually harassed by his employer. (I don't care if Bruce doesn't buy the _Daily Planet_ until after Tim becomes Robin, I plead timeline shenanigans on account of hilarity.) Clark having to explain that oh, Mr. Wayne doesn't mean it like that, little boy, ha ha ha, it's fine!

Of course, by the second time this happens at a gala, Clark is better prepared and decides that actually, he's gonna go along with it. "You're right. After what you said last time, I talked to my friend about it, and she says what Mr. Wayne is doing is definitely sexual harassment. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention."

As he says this, he meets Bruce's gaze over Tim's shoulder, knowing the man has a very tiny earpiece in place and is, in all likelihood, eavesdropping on their entire conversation. Check and _mate_ , Bats.

But what also happens this time is that Clark becomes very concerned—why did this small child immediately jump to that conclusion? Why does he even know about sexual harassment when he's so very young? He proceeds to leap to the wrong conclusion, then convey that incorrect conclusion to Bruce via Eyebrow Morse Code, which they are both fluent in. (Clark picked it up immediately. Bruce finds it very frustrating that he's never been able to get anyone else to understand it as accurately as Clark.)

Bruce discreetly slips out of the room to start investigating the home and school life of one Drake, Timothy.

Everything looks normal on the surface. No reports, no suspicious behavior from any of the adults in the boy's life… Clearly it's all been covered up! Perhaps this requires a more subtle approach? He asks Clark to stick around Gotham for a few more days in order to keep tabs on young Timothy, make sure he's safe and sound.

Clark can't let on that Superman is hanging around Gotham, so he borrows a suit from the Cave (Batman suit? Nightwing suit? Nondescript dark suit?) and trails after small child when he wanders about the city! At night! Alone!!

(The flamboyance of the early Nightwing suit would not stop Clark and you know he would rock the Discowing, if put unnecessary stress on the seams.

"Just passing through for a couple days, gonna use the suit I keep in the Cave... Why does this hang on me like a sack of potatoes?")

Clark is pretty sure this is not typical big city kid behavior? But, like, his personal experience with kids raised in a big city is pretty much limited to Robins so he isn't _positive_.

"Son, is this really what you want to be doing with your life? Where are your parents?" (Clark thinks he does a really good impression of Bruce's Batman voice.)

Slooooow blink. Suddenly, a camera flash (close-up shot of Batman!!!). "Dunno. South America? But that might've been last month. Where's Robin? Wasn't he with you? Can I meet him? Can I have his autograph? Can I have your autograph? How do you swing like that, is it hard? Could I do it? Could you teach me? Are you really part bat? Are—"

Clark regrets his life choices. (He's actually really used to Jimmy taking pictures, so he doesn't even register it as being odd/not okay at first.)

Tim lets himself be taken home by Batman (Clark mentally curses not actually knowing how to use the grapple gun that well and may cheat and fly a little—it's cool, the kid's tucked up inside his cape, he'll never know the difference).

Once home, Tim develops his roll of film—up close shot of Batman!!!—and. Oh. Hey. That is not Bruce Wayne's chin (he pulls close a copy of the _Gotham Gazette_ to make sure). Does this mean... does this mean his theories are _wrong_?! Bruce Wayne isn't Batman?? Dick Grayson isn't Nightwing (formerly Robin)??? (Still undecided if Jason is on the scene yet.)

But... Tim started doing this to be closer to his hero, Dick Grayson! If Dick Grayson has no connection to Batman (maybe he trained Robin, not realizing what his quadruple somersault would be used for???), Tim has no reason to follow Batman!

Tim stops stalking Batman, because that is not the hero he's interested in.

Clark congratulates himself on a job well done, getting that nice young man to stay home where he'll be safe and sound.

Decides to keep tabs on him, though, just to make sure that nothing hinky is happening. That comment about sexual harassment is still worrying. Thankfully, he has a place to crash when he's in Gotham.

(This leads to Superbat, because ~~there was only one bed!!!~~ too many sleepovers and stuff happens, man. Plus, Tim's innocent suggestion forces Clark to acknowledge just how many of Brucie's comments are innuendo and Bruce, do you want to talk about this? Feelings are shared! Emotions confessed! Small Robin has two dads!)

Tim, staring wide-eyed at the society page of the _Gotham Gazette_ : Oh gosh. Batman is Bruce Wayne's boyfriend.

Oh, hey. Batman is dating Dick Grayson's dad! Is his other dad, kinda! Batman is back to being stalker material.

Does this mean that Bruce Wayne's son, Jason Todd, is the current Robin? Does Bruce Wayne know that his boyfriend is putting his son in danger?!

(Oh, hey. Bruce and Clark dating when Ethiopia goes down would mean that Jason would know to call for Superman to save him when he sees the bomb. Both he and Sheila survive. BAM. This is now the best timeline. >.>)

Why Tim doesn't cotton on to the fact that Clark is Superman, not Batman: Clark carries himself differently as Brucie Wayne's Boyfriend than he does as Superman or Clark Kent, Reporter. He doesn't act like he can take on the world and win, but he also doesn't slouch as much. Alfred helps him perfect the look so that most of his Metropolis friends don't make the connection and absolutely no one connects him to Superman.

But. There's this kid.

This kid that Clark's been keeping an eye on for years, who still shows up at galas, occasionally. Who, at the first gala Clark attends as Brucie's plus-one, takes him aside and says, very earnestly, "I'm glad you worked it out. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret," and flashes a very cheeky grin before disappearing into the crowd.

Clark, you can understand, takes this _totally the wrong way_.

"So, you remember Timothy Drake? I think we need to start watching him again," he tells Bruce a little later when he tracks him down.

"Oh? And why's that?"

"I'm pretty sure he knows I'm Superman."

And then, like. If Obeah Man still happens and the Drakes die/are incapacitated, Brucie Wayne insists on looking after poor little Timothy Drake, whom he owes so much to—were it not for this brave lad, Brucie would have never found true love! He will do all that he can for the boy until his father is a fit guardian once more. (Also, keep a close eye on the kid and make sure he doesn't blab to anyone ever about Clark being Superman. >:|)

Also, ALSO, Superboy shows up while Superman is dead ("dead") which I'm preeeetty sure corresponds with Knightfall (or thereabouts).

Bruce: *takes in small stranger to protect lovely alien bf*

Alien bf: *gets himself "killed"*

Bruce: *gets his back broken, goes through some shit, lets a lunatic become Batman while he leaves Gotham to find himself*

Jason: *does not like having to be Robin to some crazy person, moves in with his pseudo foster-brother when pseudo foster-brother's dad wakes up, waits for Dick to come save the day* 

Dick: *saves the day, though he is super sad because his honorary uncle/other dad is dead??* 

[Amid all of this] 

Superboy: *exists as a clone that's the closest humanity can get to being a Kryptonian before retcons happen and that changes*

Okay, but Tim _also_ knows that Bruce Wayne's boyfriend is Clark Kent, reporter. And Clark Kent was in the _Daily Planet_ building when it collapsed during a fight between Superman and Doomsday!! That's really scary!!!! (Though, Clark being trapped in Metropolis conveniently explains why someone else is being Batman in Gotham.)

During all this, Jason is taking a break from Robin because UGH, Jean-Paul.

Also, probably Jason figures out in the course of all this that Tim thinks Clark is _Batman_ which. Is totally hilarious?? (Tim maybe accidentally says something that reveals to Jason what he "knows" so now Jason knows that Tim "knows" and they can talk about this stuff together.) Jason thinks the whole thing is _hilarious_ (except for how Dad #1 has a broken back and Dad #2 is dead and :( ).

"So. I'm gonna try and get Nightwing to come to Gotham and be Batman until Clark gets rescued (because he _will_ get rescued!!!). Cover for me with your dad while I go to New York?" 

"Of course. *_*"

Aww, yeah. Little brothers are _awesome_.

Jason, showing up in NYC: Okay, so Clark's dead and Bruce's back is broken and I'm living with your ex-stalker because Bruce gave the cowl to a mad man but it's cool because stalkerboy thinks Clark's Batman and knows I'm Robin but _doesn't_ know you're Nightwing, so I need you to come back and be Batman and get rid of Jean-Paul but you can't meet Tim while in a mask or else you'll ruin the only good thing about this whole mess because he's creepy-smart and always knows when the chins match.

Dick: ...okay?

And then Superman comes back (yay!) and Matrix pretends to be Clark Kent, rescued from the rubble of the _Daily Planet_ building so the illusion is perpetuated that Clark and Superman are different people. He's able to abscond to the Fortress of Solitude with Bruce and alien tech helps B get his groove back, and everyone comes back to Gotham, yay!

Jason: So, while the adults were off being idiots (except for Dick; thanks, Dick, for doing me a solid and saving the day there [ _they share a bro-ly fistbump_ ]), I talked to Timbo and discovered his secrets.

Bruce: You didn't confirm his suspicions that Clark is Superman, did you?

Jason: ...no, I can safely say that I did _not_ do that. He does know I'm Robin, though, but it's cool. He in no way thinks you're Batman or that Clark is Superman.

Bruce & Clark: *relax significantly*

Jason: He just thinks Clark is Batman and you're the dude banging Batman. :D

Jason probably explains to Dick that Tim thinks he trained Robin I/Nightwing, so he has to be _really careful_ around Tim to not give away the game. Also, they need to brainstorm to figure out who the first Robin could have been if it wasn't Dick.

Jason, glancing back at Clark: Are you _sure_ you don't have any younger relatives who can pull off spandex? Because that would make this a lot easier.

Clark: I have a cousin?

Jason: :D

Dick: Forget it, Jay. Supergirl's a little short to pretend to be me.

They probably get Matrix to do a round through Gotham as Nightwing where Tim can see while he's also hanging out with Jason and Dick or something. Just to reinforce the idea that Dick is definitely not Nightwing.

Nightwing!Matrix maybe stops by (with a build and face based on Dick's, but subtly different enough that there's no way Tim will make the connection) to say hi to his buddy Robin and thank his first teacher. Signs an autograph for one small fanboy ("Batman said you wanted one a while back, sorry he's such a tightass and didn't give you one") before heading back into the night to fight crime with Batman.

Tim: oh gee wow *clutches the autograph to his chest* Nightwing's _awesome_.

Dick: That so? *preens, discretely*

Jason: I don't know why you want _that_ idiot's autograph.

Tim, turning to him: I know I'll never get Batman's, but can I have Robin's too?

Jason, coughing to cover his surprise: Uh, yeah, sure. Where'd that pen go—?

Jason's loath to admit it, but Dick is right and little brothers are _great_.

(Though he's not too sure about the Kid. Does the guy even count as his brother? He and Dick checked out the lab the Superboy came out of and they don't _think_ he's even related to Clark, but the resemblance is uncanny and it's all weird.)

Or maybe Jason never tells the dads about Tim's little revelation (though he does tell Dick and they still get Matrix to help them out), so Tim is like... his secret weapon. Helping Robin from the shadows! Detecting stuff, helping piece the clues together! They're a badass team of bros!

Also, this means Jason gets to hang out with Tim more, which is awesome because Tim's stepmom rocks? (His dad is kinda a dick, no idea how he snagged a lady like Dana.) As does Tim, because he's a pretty cool little brother. Jason teaches him some self-defense stuff, gives him less than ideal dating advice (Tim still ends up breaking up with Ari, over misunderstandings that are beyond his control; also, a move), which in his defense is what Tim gets for asking a guy who doesn't have time for dating about that kind of stuff.

Blah blah blah Jack and Dana go on a weekend retreat but Jack doesn't want Tim alone in the house. "Can't you go stay with the Wayne boy?"

"Mr. Wayne and his boyfriend are out of town also, Dad. Jason's, uh, going on a trip with some friends?" (He's gonna go hang out with YJ while Batman is doing JL stuff and—Tim assumes—Bruce is busy doing WE stuff overseas.)

"I'm sure they won't mind one more person tagging along!"

Which is how Tim meets Young Justice. He wears one of Jason's old domino masks and some body armor from before Jason's last growth spurt and a hoodie and jeans and Jason introduces him as uuuuuh Rook! Because that's a cool name. "He's like me only smaller and he doesn't really punch anything other than computer keys," Jason explains. "Be nice to him, but don't tell anyone because Batman would totally flip his lid if he knew I brought Rook along."

"Hey," Tim says, very proud that his voice doesn't crack. "It's nice to meet you?"

Superboy gives him a suspicious look. "What? So now Rob's bringing his _boyfriend_?"

"Yuck, gross!" Robin glares at Superboy. "He's my _brother_ , doofus, not my boyfriend. Don't be a jerk."

(Jason nearly strangles him when, at the end of the weekend, Superboy takes him aside and asks if uuuuuuuuh Rook has a boyfriend back home, or...? "Stay away from my brother, asswipe!")

So, like. It's pretty awkward when Superboy becomes Kon-El, a.k.a., Conner Kent, and ends up spending some time in Gotham so Bruce can teach Clark how to effectively Dad.

Kon: So, uh. *glances around the house* Where's the other kid?

Clark: Other... kid? Jason's right there? Unless you mean Dick, who's technically an adult now, though sometimes it's hard to tell.

Kon: No, the little guy. Y'know. *glances around, leans in* Rook?

Jason: *SWEATS INTENSELY* *tries to communicate with Kon via Eyebrow Morse Code over Clark's shoulder*

Kon: *thinks Jason is having some kind of seizure...?*

Jason: Heeeeeey, I think that's enough Family Bonding for now, Conner and I are gonna head into the city, hit up an arcade or three, BYE! *drags Kon out, cutting him off every time he tries to bring up Rook*

Kon: What…? Wait, have you two still not told—?

(It's possible Rook's tagged along a few times now after that first weekend, always when off-planet business calls the League away. "Look, it's awesome how you can help out, but, uh, Batman is really tight with Superman and Supes has, y'know, _superhearing_ , and totally would tattle if he heard you come along. We can only do this when they're both gone."

"Okay, that's fair. Thanks, Jason. You're a really good friend. And brother." D'awwwww)

They actually go to an arcade because it's _loud_ and Jason knows Clark is going to assume he's talking to Kon about awkward things like sex or stuff. "So, look. He's not _actually_ my brother. Technically. He's more of an… honorary little brother. And it's possible he thinks your dad is Batman, so if he meets you as Clark's kid, he's totally going to think… I dunno what he's gonna think, but it'll blow the thing and—"

"Jason? I didn't think you ever came here on your own," Tim says, because of _course_ he's there also. Of course. What even is Jason's life.

(Rook keeps trying to communicate with Superboy via Eyebrow Morse Code, but he's frankly awful at it and also Robin keeps nearly catching him, so he never gets a chance to talk to him alone.)

"Oooh, hey," Tim says, totally not sounding nervous at all when he notices who's with Jason. "Who's your friend?"

"Conner Kent," Kon says, sticking out his hand and giving this cute guy an absolutely charming smile. (He's so happy to have a real name that he's maybe been practicing introducing himself to people in the mirror back home. But, like. Not in a loser way or anything!!!)

"Hi, I'm Tim," he says. And then the shoe drops. "Wait. Kent? Like as in Clark Kent?" He shoots a WTF?? look at Jason.

"Yeah, he's my, uh, cousin?" Kon is clueless as to why his last name is significant.

Jason shoos Kon away and takes Tim aside to explain—only for Tim to say, "Ugh, that is just a complete violation of a person's privacy!"

"Er, what?"

"I know SB was a mad science experiment and everything, but seriously screw the villain who thought it would be funny to steal your dad's DNA and Superman's DNA and make a baby—well, okay, a boy—out of it without their permission! I'm so sorry your dads are having to deal with this. And Superman." He gives Jason a tight hug.

"Oh. Hey. Uh. Yeah. It's… pretty messed up. But, like. Bruce wants to help Clark with the whole learning-to-dad thing—this all got sprung on him really sudden-like, right? So Conner's hanging out at the manor for a bit, but, y'know. He totally doesn't know who you are. Except that you're my friend. And we should keep it like that."

"Jason. I'm _16_. I can make my own decisions."

"Tim, I'm _19_ and I'm kinda the responsible adult here, so _please_ be cool about this or else Clark'll find out about Rook and you can kiss the occasional fun weekend goodbye."

"…you raise a fair point. I will respect your stupid plan— _for now_."

And then proceeds to spend the rest of the afternoon flirting outrageously with Conner to drive Jason up the wall.

Tim's just nodding and patting Jason's shoulder, because _this_ explains why Superboy always seemed so familiar to Tim (though maybe Tim's been a little distracted when he's interacted with Superboy as Rook because omg, have you seen his _arms??_ ).

Jason probably gives Conner the shovel talk. And then they all go back to the manor to hang out after the arcade, and Bruce gives Conner the shovel talk when he sees the looks passing between him and Tim (Clark tries to glare over his shoulder and look imposing but it is hard because Conner is his responsibility but he's known Tim for years and—!). (Kon is not intimidated by any of them because Cassie and Cissie and Greta gave him this talk ages ago and they are _terrifying_.)

So that's a thing that happens. (Jason hates his life.) Eventually, Conner and Tim start dating (oh god, it's horrible). Kon learns Rook's identity when he unmasks for the team some weekend when the JL aren't even in the same _galaxy_.

And, then, y'know. Graduation Day (which probably happened before Tim turned 16 but it's late and I am tired and timeline, shmineline) happens and there's a killer Superman robot (or was it more than one? it's been a while since I read it) and Donna dies and oh. Oh hey. Rook knows that face (he thinks as he's running for his life and omg Troia _died_?? wtf this is crazy!!!) and the jig is up and Nightwing is checking them over, making sure his little brothers have all their fingers and toes (but why does Nightwing look different this time??) and demanding to know what the hell he's doing here and 

"Robin, you JERK! I can't believe you let me actually think that Superman was Batman for YEARS! YOU'RE THE LITERAL WORST."

(The look on Tim's face when he realizes it is almost worth it except not because then Batman and Superman _do_ show up and Jason may be an adult now, but oh man, he is in _so much trouble_.)

Tim is allowed to be part of the new generation of Teen Titans, but only if he stays a non-combatant and Bruce is allowed to outfit him with armor that actually fits him instead of Jason's hand-me-downs. (Tim is mad at him too, mind. "I can't believe you let me think Clark was you for YEARS! Batman was my hero, you jerk!")

At least Conner never (technically) lied to him.

But then, like. Conner turns out to be the illegal science baby of Clark and Lex Luthor. And gets mind-controlled. And shaves his head. Hurts Jason, nearly hurts Tim. Runs off to mope and be sad. Comes back. Dies. So that sucks. A lot.

And then Donna comes back! And it's awesome! And then uuuuh I guess Jason _doesn't_ go on a jaunt through the multiverse because he never died and came back? Plus he has a very sad little brother to look after and he is being Responsible.

AND THEN BATMAN DIES. Which _really_ sucks. But luckily Jason has the smartest little brother ever, so he fixes it (and gets his boyfriend back, yay!), and stuff. So he believes Tim when Tim says Bruce is alive, because he was a jerk for years and he owes it to Tim to believe him now. Luckily, Clark is also desperate to believe Tim, so he goes along with it and things go a lot smoother and Bruce is saved from the timestream with minimal loss of life. Also, no spleens are lost in this the making of this BruceQuest.

And then the universe doesn't get rebooted and everyone lives happily ever after, YAY, THE END. \o/

**Author's Note:**

> [I have a tumblr!](http://themandylion.tumblr.com/) Come visit if you want ridiculous AU headcanons, rants about the English language (and/or educational publishing), history fangirling, adorable baby bats, and veeeeery occasional fanart. Also, because I am an actual human being with opinions of my own, sometimes I post or reblog things that reflect those opinions. If you can't handle the idea of someone existing in the universe and possessing opinions which differ from your own, you should not click that link.


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